It was good because balls.
Also, we came up with a lot of interesting theories. One is that all of the goblins in the kingdom are gay, and that Jareth is very supportive of the LGBT community, which is nice, but he also supports kidnapping children to procreate the kingdom which is kind of a dick move tbh. Kidnapping babies is not cool, in poopballz’ opinion.
Another thing is that Sarah is the actual fucking worst. First she yells at a baby for no reason because it allegedly took her teddy bear Lancelot. Then she lets it cry and cry and does an evil chant to the goblin king to take her baby, and then when he does, she acts like a total poop about it. Make up your mind if you want this baby tbh.
Also… we kinda think that the baby is actually her child and not her brother, and to save face her parents have been raising the baby as their own. and he represents her lost youth which is why she resents it so much. This is essentially a pro-life movie that is giving the message not to have a teenage abortion or give your baby to goblins.
things we liked abo0ut it included
- david bowie is sparkly
- the flamboyant gay pirate beaver with his dog steed
- jennifer connely’s hair
- especially in the scene where they all had masks and the had sparkly string shit in it. that was nice.
- the puppet party at the end
- the sexual subtext between sarah and the old man puppet goblin Hoggle
we also have another idea which might be more controversial. jareth is obviously a hoarder. that pile of garbage outside his castle? wtf? why would you have a pile of garbage outside your castle. obviously a hoarder. we think they should call TLC and have Hoarders come and give him help, but it would provide obvious challenges, mainly Jareth’s inability to recognize his problem, and also doing sneaky magic tricks to the 1-800-junk dudes and poisoning them
This has been a joint review by poopballs and borken. It is our best work and probably the best movie review in the history of ever.